Forever
by callie rawston
Summary: Set at the end of series 2, episode 1. My take on Kate's departure from Bedlam Heights and her reflections on Jed.


**Sometimes I try to write fluffy but what I end up with is darkness. I make no apology for that. **

**This little one shot sprang from nowhere, evolved from a sentence stuck inside my head and would not let me stop writing it. **

**It is dedicated to Anny, because today is her birthday and I wanted to give her a present. Most people give nice presents, apparently I give depressing ones. Never mind eh? Hope she forgives me.**

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**Forever**

Kate reflected that she had always known what she had come back for, in fact it was the only reason she had returned in the first place. The gut-wrenching fear that sat like a weight in the pit of her stomach took second place to the knowledge that this would soon be over, that once the nightmare of the next few minutes was done she would finally have what she wanted and she could be at peace.

The pressure on her arms increased as the man who'd been haunting her dreams since Jed's death, the same man she was certain had haunted her adopted cousin his entire life, tightened his grip around her wrists and dragged her from the bushes where he had initially sought to silence her towards the familiarity of the hospital building, a place Kate couldn't help but hate now as much as she had loved it as a child.

She forced herself to close her eyes, attempting to steady herself from the pain of the head wound she was now suffering and also the terror that was rising steadily within her in spite of her acceptance of the situation she found herself in. The man's heavy steps and deep breathing were her only real awareness of the world around her as she stumbled repeatedly with the speed in which they were travelling. Kate felt his grip upon her lessen momentarily and she had to fight her own natural instincts of fight or flight not to run, finding herself being roughly shoved onto the stone floor of a room she felt she had seen before but couldn't quite place in the darkness.

Kate pulled herself up into a seated position, leaning against the wall, attempting to convince her eyes to acclimatise to the overwhelming blackness and finally realising that she was now alone. She shivered as a cold chill passed over her, causing her mind to briefly ponder on how many people had died here and whether this was where many of the young girls that had been deemed lost or missing over the years had met their gruesome fate at the hands of her captor.

She recalled how merely fifteen minutes before she had been sitting in the dimly lit bedroom that had once housed the man she loved like no other, remembering that despite the many months which had passed since his death, months she had spent mainly out of the country in Thailand with Molly and friends, the pain of losing Jed was still so raw that it felt as if he had been stolen from her just yesterday. However she knew that as brutal as this had felt to her whilst she had been gone, it had been when she had returned to the old asylum that morning that she had been truly swept away with memories of that fateful night. The same horrors that had driven her from the building and out of the country in the first place, in a vain attempt to escape the confusing blur of reality, Jed's traumatised visions and the events she had witnessed, had returned with a vengeance, which although had caused her to spend the day biting back her emotions had made her certain the decision she had made to return and allow the final act of this story to play out as it had done in her head each night was the right one.

She thought back to how she had lowered herself down onto the bed Jed had once slept in, scrunching herself up and squeezing her eyes shut just as she had always done when afraid of her emotions, hopeful that if she stopped fighting her body's desire for her to remain sane and safe for a while she could drift off into a place where Jed would be able to lie beside her and hold her close. She recalled being so angry at him in that moment, annoyed beyond all degree of what was reasonable, that it had been he who could see the souls of those who crept about in the darkness, something she had teased him mercilessly about as a teen, and yet now it was she who was desperate to have that ability, with the chance to see the man who would always have been her true love before it was too late for her to do so in life.

As she sat in the cool dark of the room, awaiting the return of the monster responsible for so much of the pain and terror that had occurred, Kate's restless thoughts tracked back in spite of her best efforts to prevent them, to her dad and how she had walked in to his apartment to find Keira straddled across him, his own reference being that it was Kate's own friend who had replaced her in his affections. The wave of nausea that had overwhelmed her at that moment returned violently and Kate found herself placing her hands on the stone floor beside her to root herself as she gulped for air until the taste of bile in her mouth subsided. She could not begin to comprehend how twisted her own relationship with her father was if he could gain comfort for her absence by sleeping with her childhood friend, the implication behind his words was far too difficult for her to consider on more than a superficial level.

She reflected how she had attempted to show him kindness on her return and extend the hand of family once more, despite the fact that every inch of her was screaming silently that he had been the one to allow Jed to be taken from her, leaving him in the basement like they had when her father had dragged her away. She had already known before she saw him that this was one act she would never forgive him for but seeing how he had continued to run his business as if the most significant person in her life hadn't died on their site had irked her more than she could handle. The fact that she held him responsible for not only Jed's death and the pain she still felt in being left alive without him was not a matter for discussion, that was a level of damage that she knew could never be fixed, but that he could continue to carry on as if nothing amiss had occurred, take on new staff, open new facilities and continue the rebuild, all whilst sleeping with a girl he must already have known was damaged placed a new angle on things that Kate couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with. She had wanted to say goodbye to him before she left, that element of knowing that she had concluded their fight before she was no longer around for him to make it up to, but from the moment she had seen how he had just carried on a part of her had decided that she would rather let him suffer. She momentarily considered that Jed hated it when she was vindictive and could only hope that in this circumstance she could ask him to forgive her.

Kate found the silence suddenly filled with noise as memories of voices and chattering filled her ears, overwhelming her with happy memories of times she had shared with her friends in the flat she had been so desperate to have. She recalled how she had padded out of Jed's former room into the lounge area, pausing momentarily as the sound of Molly and Ryan laughing as they made breakfast penetrated her thoughts. She could hear them bickering good humouredly, with Jed chipping in with a deadpan comment as they all chattered away. In the darkness the memories of voices danced around inside her head and she had to force down the feeling of claustrophobia that suddenly overtook her. She found herself blinking back the tears before she even fully comprehended that she was crying, her mind travelling back to the smiling girl she had left all loved up happily enjoying the delights of South East Asia with no intention of returning, and of the young man she was certain had not been able to cope with losing yet another male figure in his life, so had retreated off to a world he had not invited her to be a part of.

She reflected how disconcerting it had felt to glance around her flat and notice other people's possessions littering the surfaces that had once housed all her worldly goods. Kate knew that she had not had an issue when her dad had moved Max into the place; in fact she had been almost grateful to him for taking care of the flat in her absence to prevent her father from selling the memories out from underneath her to the highest bidder. However upon having met Dan briefly on a small number of occasions she was unimpressed with her replacement in the business, sure that all she had gathered from him was that he had a hidden agenda and an intense obsession with her dad that had crept her out more than a little. Although upon sitting in the darkness thinking about such things Kate had to acknowledge that in the respect of being creepy and obsessive, the two men were quite alike and therefore perhaps her father deserved to have someone like Dan in his world.

She smiled as she considered Ellie briefly, knowing that if the girl had known Jed it would likely be because of his psychiatric history, given Kate was well aware that he had not had anyone he could trust outside of the system except her for years. She knew that if it had been any other time she would have been bothered by this connection, upset that he had a close bond with a female other than her and yet now she could not bring herself to be annoyed. She had always known that previous female acquaintances of his had suffered under her scrutiny, a bone of contention between them that had never ceased but now that he was gone, it was as if her brain had finally accepted that she had little to worry about. Kate was well aware her previous behaviour had been selfish, but as far as she had been concerned Jed was very much hers and the thought of someone else intruding on him was more than she had ever felt able to cope with.

Kate shivered once more in the chilled stillness of the damp room and recalled how she had come to the conclusion that the flat was not home anymore. It had been the place she had gone to lay her head but it had only been once Jed was present that it become somewhere she felt any strong affinity towards. With him gone, her father otherwise engaged and the family she had created around herself scattered to the four corners, Kate acknowledged that this building was not somewhere she belonged any longer.

Kate remembered back to how she had picked up her rucksack from the floor by the kitchen counter, slung it over her shoulder and headed for the door, pausing to turn and take in the room one last time before exiting and refusing to look back. The lights had flickered in the corridor, but she had not allowed herself to flinch, taking some perverse comfort in knowing that there was some truth beyond the life she had led in the building and silently willing the darkness to drag her in one more time before she left to meet her desperate fate.

Kate brought her knees up to her chest and leant her head forward, surveying the gloom as she did so. She thought back to her childhood when Jed used to sleepover at her house and would wake in the middle of the night screaming. It had always been her who had climbed into his bed and held his hand, knowing she was the only one capable of keeping his personal monsters at bay. By the time they were in the teens this was a frequent act, albeit a more secretive one happening in the absence of Kate's father, a man she had assumed had more important things to do that take care of his daughter given his regular periods of absence. It had been by the time Kate was turning fifteen that her connection with Jed had changed from something pure, innocent and comforting into a couple in love, desperately trying not to take things too far too soon. She struggled to recall how they had resisted escalating the situation between them before her sixteenth, with their nights together becoming more and more intense until the culmination of all the built up passion exploded between them on her special day, when the two of them had declared their love for each other in all ways imaginable. Every single night that Kate had experienced since with a man was just a hollow shell of that night, one that she knew had cheapened her and the memories of the only occasion she had been able to make love to the man she had loved forever.

She recalled with horror how it had been the following morning that her father had reappeared, caught them together and established the extent of their connection before sending Jed off to a psychiatric institution, that being his alternative option to her being sent abroad and him risking losing her for good. Kate was well aware that she had never forgiven her dad for putting a stop to the relationship they had shared under the guise of protecting her from harm, especially in such a brutally final way. She felt the silent sobs that she was drowning in spill over, wracking her body as she rasped for breath in the darkness when she recalled the tinge of regret and guilt that she had felt in blaming Jed for abandoning her, for not fighting to remain part of her life and then for not running away with her when she suggested it. Worse than that she knew that despite having wanted him to be back in her bed, her life and her heart when he had returned, she had shut him out in fear of him being taken once more and had lost him again just the same.

Kate found herself laughing cynically at the thoughts buzzing around her mind, the one stronger than any other was that despite putting up walls between them she had still managed to get herself hurt when Jed had been taken from her this time, which meant that all she had succeeded in doing was robbing herself of the few precious months they could have shared together before his death. Kate finally admitted to herself that she loved Jed, something she knew that she would never have said aloud to anyone not even Molly, despite being sure it must have been obvious. She had wondered on more than one occasion whether anyone would have considered the love the two of them shared was more than that of cousins, before dismissing the thought as irrelevant given that she was unlikely to care for much longer what anyone thought of her, Jed or their connection.

Kate pushed herself upwards against the wall until she was standing, the cold air catching in her throat as she did so. She recalled how tenderly Jed had kissed her the one time since his return that she had allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of him and yet she had walked away just like he had done to her many years before. She still couldn't comprehend why she had refused to permit herself to admit to him how she felt, because as a teenager she had never had any trouble mumbling how much she loved him into his ear as his hands slipped underneath her top as they curled up with her duvet before they crossed that line and he was taken from her for the first time.

Kate knew that it had been returning to this place that had caused the reality of the situation to hit home and for her to accept what she needed to do to resolve everything once and for all. Kate wanted to be with Jed, in fact she was prepared to do anything to be with him, and whilst Molly had hoped that her returning to the place where she had been with him would give her comfort, instead it had only crystalised her thinking.

The noise from the doorway spooked her, despite the fact she had been expecting it and when she saw the shadow of the man and the icy whiteness of his eyes, she found herself edging away from him in spite of herself, the fear momentarily overwhelming her before she felt his touch grabbing at her and forcing her to stop. Her mouth elicited a scream but the words would not come, and as she struggled against his touch she tried to gather her thoughts as her heart pounded so loudly she was certain it would explode from her chest.

Now that he was close enough to make out in the gloom Kate looked straight at the man who held her, taking in the sight in front of her and feeling her stomach lurch. She bit down hard on her lip and steadied herself, recognising the dark moment of pain was imminent but once that was over and this evil man who had haunted Jed for the longest time had done his absolute worst, which she was sure was far more than she could possibly have anticipated, there would be peace, silence and the chance to reunite with the man she loved in a place where they could be together for eternity.

As the man pressed her back against the wall Kate's mind shot to her father, thinking of him and how likely it was that in the moment of her death he would be undressing her friend, instantly making the decision that she would be sure to haunt him the way the victims he had allowed to die in the hospital had haunted Jed for many years. She felt the grip of the man holding her tighten and she allowed herself to be pressed firmly back against the wall, finally resisting the urge to fight, kick or scream because the pain of losing Jed was far worse than dying in the pain that this man could inflict, especially because as a result she would be free to be by Jed's side forever, which was all she had ever wanted from her life.

Kate took a deep breath, held herself tightly and felt the man release his grip on her arms before placing his hands around her neck. Just before he moved, flicking his hands upwards in a motion Kate knew meant this was the end, she thought of Jed, the sweet boy who she had once held the hand of in the darkness, and focused exclusively on him, wanting it to be over and knowing it soon would be.

The dream that had haunted her since his death had finally come true, only on this occasion it had been her choice to submit to the darkness, embrace the pain and look forward to seeing the man she loved on the other side. And as Kate felt herself break and the world around her blacken even darker her dying thought was that Jed had better be waiting for her, just like he had always promised he would be, because they had always been and always would be forever.

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**Please read, review and tell me what you think x**


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